Two Are Better Than One

{{My USP friend, Stephanie, and me!}}

This week, I got called something that I do not remember having ever been called before: STUBBORN. Not once, not twice, but THREE times in one week did I hear, “Kelsey, you are so stubborn!” The first time, I brushed it off and thought to myself: “Stubborn? Hah, this person obviously doesn’t know the real me.” The second time I thought: “Weird…this person must be in cahoots with the last one who called me stubborn!” But by the third time, I finally got off my high horse and cried: “KITEGEEZA KI?!?” (That’s Luganda for “what does that mean?!?”). According to my friend, Webster, the word “stubborn” means: “refusing to change your ideas or to stop doing something; difficult to handle.” Hmm. Now, I can see how someone might think that I am stuck in my ways. I mean, it’s no secret that I do still wear Twinkle Toes, even though I am 21 (hey, do what Uganda do!) But difficult to handle? Me? I just don’t know where anyone would get such a crazy idea! I mean, it’s not like I have a flair for the dramatic or anything like that…0_o

Alright, so maybe I am a bit more stubborn than I care to admit. (Emphasis on maybe.) But after that was pointed out to me here, I still wasn’t convinced that my critics meant stubborn in the same way that Americans use the term. So I did a little investigating, and I discovered that here, the meaning of “stubborn” is more along the lines of bold or strong-willed. That’s not too far from Webster’s answer, but I’ll take being called “bold” over “difficult” any day of the week! (By the way, one of the times I got called stubborn was during chapel on campus this week. My fellow USP students and I were leading the worship songs, and all I did was spontaneously rap at the end of one of them…is it such a crime to tell everyone that if they love Jesus they should throw their hands in the air and wave them like they just don’t care?!)

In my book, boldness is a good thing. I mean, I’ve heard rumors that there are perks of being a wallflower, but I’d much rather be out on the dance floor! I think Ugandans would agree with me, but only if everyone else was out there, too (which is not uncommon here). In a highly communal culture like that of Uganda, blending in is valued much more than standing out (hipsters, beware!). This is not to say that there is no room for freedom of individual expression here, but it does mean that strong-willed personalities like mine are less common, and that those who possess them are considered quite stubborn. I can live with that though, because the benefits of being part of a communal culture far outweigh the damper that it sometimes puts on my sparkly bows (which I still wear here anyway…you know, since I’m so stubborn).

{{A little corner of Kampala, the capital city.}}

Outside of my host home, the place where I first appreciated the gift of Ugandan community was Professional Reach Enterprises (PRENT), the organization with which I have been interning this semester. PRENT is a community development organization whose mission is “to inspire, influence, and disciple women and youth for sustainable livelihoods in diverse communities.” Founded by UCU graduates just two years ago, PRENT is staffed by young volunteers like myself who share a vision of communities being transformed through “holistic empowerment and professional intervention.” In other words, PRENT believes in passing on professional skills from all fields to their neighbors (who perhaps would not otherwise have the opportunity to learn them) in order to help them find their footing in life. PRENT carries out their mission through several initiatives, including educational health campaigns, career guidance events, college ministry, and training in agriculture, business, and crafts-making. And they do it all in the name of Jesus!

On a professional level, I am grateful for the opportunity to work with PRENT this semester because of the chance it has given me to dip my toes in the waters of community development and to gain a better understanding of the dynamics of cross-cultural social work. But even more importantly, on a personal level, I am grateful for the opportunity to work with PRENT this semester because of the amazing people that make up the PRENT family – a family which I was warmly welcomed into from day one. When I arrived at my orientation, there were about 8 people crammed into PRENT’s 10 foot by 10 foot office, ready to greet me with smiles and hugs. It was a beautiful thing to have perfect strangers welcoming me – and genuinely, I might add – as if they had known me their entire lives! (By the end of the meeting, they had even given me a Luganda name so that I could really feel part of the group – Princess Namutebi!) During orientation, I got a crash course on “PRENT culture,” which includes “swallowship” (aka – sharing food), sweat equity (aka – everyone does their fair share!), and a whole lot of prayer and encouragement for one another – and I’ve been reveling in that culture ever since!

At PRENT, there are no bosses. We operate as a team in which I am my neighbor’s boss and he is mine. Everyone’s opinion is valued, and no one carries their burdens alone. And that’s a pretty good description of Ugandan culture in general! Unlike in the West, where individualism and efficiency run rampant, consensus and the well-being of the group are of much greater emphasis in Uganda. One of the implications of this is that it’s pretty acceptable to assume help from people here. In America, the recruitment of volunteers can be a whole long process (which sometimes involves bribing people with Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccinos...). Because of the tyranny of our schedules and social calendars, it can be difficult to get people to commit. But here in Uganda, you need only say the three magic words – “I need help” – and an entire army of Ugandan maamas is there to back you up!

{{The PRENT family! :) }}

During my time here, I’ve been on both the giving and receiving ends of life, and it has brought me so much joy to be a part of a community of people who so freely share. I’m not offended when I wake up on a Saturday morning and get told that I will be spending the next 5 hours sitting in the yard doing dishes for a church event (and getting the most ratchet sunburn of my life!!). Why? Because I know that when I get sick in the middle of night with food poisoning, someone will stay up with me for another 5 hours, making sure that I stay hydrated and don’t die. I’m not offended when my Ugandan girlfriend asks to have my earrings, because I know that every time I visit her dorm, I can expect to receive the gift of listening from the very ears they adorn (accompanied by a nice glass of homemade orange juice!) I’m not even offended when I get asked to help pay for something that’s not for me, because I know that I will be welcomed into any home here that’s not mine. (All real life examples!) Whether I’m in my host community, at PRENT, or on campus, it is truly an honor and a privilege to give and receive, to love and be loved in a Ugandan context.

I think that one of the reasons we rarely see this same unashamed give-and-take in American culture is that there is a stigma on the act of asking for help. While it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for help on behalf of others (aka – charity), asking for help for yourself is too often seen through the eyes of Uncle Sam as a sign of weakness, incompetency, and even laziness. I will be the first to admit that I have a hard time asking for help. I’ll gladly spend my days running around playing the hero for everyone else, but in my hour of need, I often refuse to acknowledge the tear in my cape. If any of you beloved readers can empathize with me on this issue, let me just take a moment to encourage us all that this is not the way things have to be!

In fact, this is not even the way things are supposed to be. In the true story of the creation of our world found in the beginning of the Bible, the Creator, after busting out some sparkly stars and creepy crawlies, finally creates the first ever human being. (And, after seeing that his hair turned out red, decided to name him Adam! ;) ) Adam was given the freedom to run around the Garden of Eden and the responsibility to take care of it, but the Creator realized that something still wasn’t quite right about the pinnacle of His creation. Assessing the scene, the Creator announced: “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18) Did you hear that, folks? It is NOT GOOD for man to be alone! I always thought that the reason the Creator said this was simply because Eve was on the way, and He was giving Adam a fair warning. But it turns out that there’s a lot more to it than that. It’s not good for man (aka – PEOPLE) to be alone, because things are much harder that way! If one solitary person tries to hold the weight of the world on her shoulders, she will be crushed. But if each of us offers up a hand, the burden is lifted. Simple.

{{A placemat factory in my community that my mom's friend runs.
My kitchen table in the States just got African! :) }}

Experiencing this truth in Africa has had profound implications on my spiritual life. To give you an example, let’s talk about the role of devotions in the journey of a follower of Jesus. I’m gonna be honest…the phrase “quiet time” has always rubbed me the wrong way for two reasons: 1) It has the power to breed legalism and 2) I’m loud. Among Western Christian circles, “quiet time” refers to a chunk of time – preferably daily and usually for about an hour – in which a follower of Jesus finds a solitary place to read his Bible, pray, and perhaps record his thoughts in a journal. This is certainly a Biblical exercise, seeing as Jesus regularly retreated off into the mountains by Himself to clear His mind and chat with His dad. So please don’t get me wrong as you read on, thinking that I am condemning devotional time altogether.

But I do want to point out something that I have noticed in Uganda, which is that followers of Jesus here are not too concerned about “quiet time!” (And when I say “not too concerned,” I mean that I literally have never heard even one Ugandan utter the term.) Ugandans absolutely seek out God on a daily basis, as I have written about in previous posts, but they do it how? TOGETHER!!!!! At first, this was a hard cultural norm for me to jump into, because to a large extent, I have been trained to connect with God through individual, solitary “quiet time.” So in my first month or so here, I was frustrated that there didn’t seem to be a place for that in this culture. All I saw instead was everyone participating in fellowships at school or hanging out together on their porches, drinking tea and talking about the things of God.

So eventually, taking my observations into consideration, I decided to give the whole “community” thing a try. And ya know what? The truth of Solomon’s words has been deeply reiterated to me in the process:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

{{Namutebi and the boys! They were my backup during chapel. ;) }}

Teamwork is a beautiful gift that I have rarely allowed myself the opportunity to receive, except in my closest friendships (for which I am E-T-E-R-N-A-L-L-Y grateful!!). But now, through my experiences with the various “teams” which I am a part of here in Uganda, I feel much more willing to ask for help, to be vulnerable, to see my needs for what they are, even as I seek to meet the needs of others. Who knows, perhaps a more communal mindset will even knock me down a few notches on the stubbornness scale (Although I can’t make any promises when it comes to leading worship…)

So, in conclusion, friends, EMBRACE COMMUNITY! You don’t have to journey through life on your own. You're not supposed to! God has designed this world in such a way that there is an Eve to every Adam out there, an Ashley to every Mary-Kate, a Bonnie to every Clyde. (Alright, maybe that last one wasn’t the best example…but you get the point.) My encouragement to you is to dig deeper into the communities that you are a part of at this time in your life, or to seek some out if you are feeling a little solo dolo. Remember: everyone has something to give, everyone has something to receive.

Thanks a lot for journeying this far with me on my Ugandan adventures! Can you believe I only have 3 weeks left of school?! Then I’m off to Rwanda for the rest of April! Wheee! Hope to talk to you before then. :)

Until next time, be good to yourself and be good to everybody else!

Thanks for caring,

Kelsey Jo